don't you remember?

Well, it certainly two things we’re all familiar with. We must have been through either one, or if you’re lucky enough to experience both, then I guess you must be remarkably trusted by the Man From Above that you are capable to handle them.

Menjelang detik pergantian tahun. Tahun dengan penuh kesabaran dan emosi. Tau alasan kenapa saya menjadi lebih menekan? Because that March. You know what I mean.  Nevertheless, 2011 has its good side. Reaching my 20. Met my family. Back to Papua, my hometown, absolutely with him. August 15th, don't you remember? :) That's my sweet escape ever! and that's comforting, knowing well that we live in a world where we're judged based on what we don't have. Guess! 

In good terms, sure, people change, but love remains the same. Kalo kata kak Dhea "Mungkin mencintai itu seperti tanah, yang tabah menerima setiap langkah yang berpijak Mungkin mencintai itu seperti hujan, yang bersedia memberikan kehidupan   Mungkin ia adalah tentang belajar mengalah, tanpa lalu lupa dan kehilangan diri sendiri." dan juga "aku ingin menikahi seorang laki-laki beserta pemikirannya, yang mengerti tentang cita-cita dan mimpi-mimpiku. mimpi-mimpi, yang aku sendiri tidak yakin dapat mewujudkannya…"

Love is patient, love is kind. Sometimes love means slowly losing your mind. Hate can turn to love, but love... It is so powerful that it can't be converted to hate. Because love will always, and I mean always find a way.

Di tahun yang baru nanti, happy 2 years 6 months hey.. :)

Selamat Hari Ibu (Happy Mother's Day)

It's December and I know what you're thinking. We're heading towards the end of the year already and yet, it almost feels like there's not much that you did this year or things that you wish you could have done better, or there are a lot more things that you haven't done at least.

Today, with a bunch of love,  December 22th, I'm gonna say Selamat Hari Ibu buat kedua ibuku tersayang.. Bunda Sri dan Bunda Khadijah.. :) Hari ini aku terbangun dengan senyum. Tuhan, terima kasih. Untuk segala rasa yang diberi untuk karyaMu yang satu ini. Punya dua ibu adalah kebanggaan. Jangan tanya kenapa, intinya saya sangat bahagia. ^^d..You might ask what happen? What's the point? The unexpected surprises came in the end of this year. 

It's common to become strangers again when your relationship with someone ended in great tragedy. So they say that lovers that end cannot remain friends. Is that true? 

But hey, I love his mom like I love my mom. I will always love her forever, I will call her 'ibu'. It's December already! I can't hide this excitement I have for this new life. 

Ini Bunda Sri dan keluarga

Ini adalah Bunda Khadijah

How i miss you both..

It is simple actually. If it starts with love, end it with love. I don't see why you can't remain friends or build a good friendship. Truth is, if you really love something, the love never wears away. Things don't always work out the way you want it to, but I don't see the reason why you should become enemies. That should be quite easy. 

Days seemed getting better. I feel much better. And I knew already what to do. It's been quite a restless months I had... I hope yours are way better. Be water, friend :)

Happy 2 years 5 months

Been a long time, I didn't see your face, hug by you. I forgot the way to say morning to the person I loved. I forgot where did I put it. 2 months, while the rest haven't. Nevertheless, writing would be the best medium for me to express how I feel, what I would like to say, and the things I’d like to convey. I wanted to sing for you but I know nothing about intonations, let alone tunes, and I am going to ruin any song that I try to sing. I don’t draw, I don’t sew, I don’t make crafts… Therefore, I hope you’re okay with this.

Happy 2 years 5 months, you..  I’ve got no problem if I’ll have to write a piece like this every year.

If I could flashback, you just got back from Jakarta, and I don't even know what was happened, I said I miss you, then you said jenuh. Its just like a tons of rocks pinched me on my face. It hurts. Without hesitation, I’m so grateful to you, I’d have lived my whole life through lost forever… if I never knew you.


Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless – like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

Arum's Playlist

Copeland - Love is a fast song
Copeland - The Grey Man
Copeland - The safest  ledge
Copeland - Every breath you take
Copeland - By my side
Copeland - Choose the one who loves you more
Copeland - Coffee

Have Heart

I don't even know what the following words are going to be few of the hardest ones to write. Nevertheless, writing would be the best medium for me to express how I feel, for what I would like to say, and the things I’d like to convey. I wanted to sing for you but that's not my right to singing in front of you.

I'm not like a woman you would expect, completely. Who could knit a sweater for you, make crafts for you, and I hope you can accept this and okay with this. I'm not entirely an independent woman who can stand alone. Somehow I feel something that was missing. Ya... your attention, your care and your affection.. 

We have been together for a few hundred day, rig? It feels so fast until I feel like I have never even known you before. I remember when you said you never promised me about forever, for the future is full of uncertainties, and I told you we can never know who our soulmate is. But… I also remember when you promised me you would stay by my side no matter how badly things might get, and you agreed when I told you the only thing to figure out if we are soulmate for each other or not would be to stay together until we depart. Because.. We believe about true love.

In the past year I have had huge transitions in my life and lost what I would consider my "group" of friends that I spent the majority of my time with. Because some words that you said to me.. I have tried to assess whether it's growing up. I've changed.

But now... Could you feel it? Ask your heart for what you have done and what have you told me? We're all so busy and wrapped up in our own things, but when does it ever just settle down? Do I get those friends back? Will I gain new ones? What am I doing wrong and how can I fix it to make it better?

For wanting to be responsible for my feelings, especially my happiness.

Thank you.

For being the person who always reminds me to protect my dreams, and pursue them. For being the person who contains me. For wanting to stick with me no matter how irritating I have always been.Thanks for being that way..

I love you. I hope I have made you happy. :)

Ya Allah, lift my heart, relieve my burdens, and make me of those who put their full trust in You for all of their affairs.

Heavenly Cloud

Heavenly cloud....

You are right

  

About the distance of 1 inch of it

Ya... The thing about accepting and forgiving

When was the last time to say 'I love you'? 

Yesterday? 2 days ago? more? last week?

Or you're not even remember anymore...

Sigh...

To not be worried about 'how long this will last'

To not be forced by 'time,challenges, opportunities, and youth age'

One of the deep mysteries to me is about 'our source'

To you, though sometimes I cry and forget about it

I realized, this maturity will grow like a cloud cycle that changes daily.

And for her, Heavenly cloud...

She was eager to tell to her beloved one... 

You are the source of my everything Towards Bravery. 

Even if you forget the last time you say 'I love you', she always wanted to tell you, I love you.

 

2 years and more

Looking around on the post by yourself

Just distracted by texts that you sent to me 2 years ago

I don't have the ability to protect and love you, but.. there's a million feeling to caring you

Tomorrow.. I love yesterday, now and the future

Do you remember when you said :  

"we are different but that's the way how we could unite and care to each other."

2 years went by

We slowly discover a new way

Not separate, but there's a distance to grow

When I'm busy, you do not and neither

Sometimes I checks every half an hour because I miss you

What time is it? 

Where you are?

I miss you more than anything

I cries for something because I get frustrated

Waiting for the phone to ring

You say hello when I was sleeping

I say hello when You were still asleep

I keep you in my mind

We've been keepin' busy all the time

I miss to turn the day back

When we are singing together....

Tomorrow, July 04th 2011

Happy 2nd Anniversary, my dear partner in life : )

July

In the time of July

The wishes you wanted and the wishes you asked for

I could never always fulfill them

What's good about being independent

So what If  I'm independent one

I could never follow where your heart wanted to go

I wish you could be happy

I'm still nothing

I don't have the ability

To protect you, support and love you

There's a thing that I can do properly

I love you...

For something being one thing

  Lucky- Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

• She yells because she cares.
• She cries because she's frustrated.
• She smiles out of no where because she's thinking of you, even if you're already there.
• She scrunches her face because she's about to explode.
• She hits you because she wants to touch you.
• She stares at you because she's infatuated.
• She checks every half an hour because she misses you.
• She asks questions because she's curious, not to be annoying.
• She wants to know where you are to be with you.
  Truth is, that girl just loves you

"Falling is the first step to success and heart break is the first step to true love"

Bapak dan Ibuk, mereka yang terhebat..

Saya baru saja kembali pulang, dari tempat dimana aku bertumbuh dan berkembang. Saya menemukan kedua sosok itu, Bapak dan Ibuk.. Entah kenapa di bandara saat menunggu koper besar saya datang, Ibuk berdiri menunggu diluar seperti tak sabar ingin memelukku. Ya, hari Jumat saat itu, dan pesawat yang saya tumpangi tiba bersamaan dengan sholat jumat. Maka hanya Ibuk yang menjemputku. Rasa rinduku hampir tumpah disana, 2 selama menempuh pendidikan, saya hanya bertatap wajah dengannya sekali. Kalian tahu? Sudut matanya tampak keriput, jilbabnya pun dalam bentuk seadanya Ia gunakan. Terbesit, "saya akan merawat kalian nanti"...

Koperku datang, saatnya menuju rumah. Allah Maha Adil, rinduku pada Bapak pun terbayarkan, secara bersamaan kami bertemu di halaman rumah, Beliau kembali dari Mesjid. Tapi saya terdiam sesaat, inikah masa tua? Bapak pun memakai baju koko nya yang berwarna putih itu. Kalian tau? Rambutnya terlihat memanjang, berminyak dan beruban. Saya pun menangis melihat keadaan itu, tapi hanya bisa dipendam selama berada di dekatnya. Inilah masa tua, bakti dan budi ....

"yang hari ini dan kemarin telah diremehkan oleh orang lain, percayalah, suatu saat Allah SWT akan meningkatkan derajat nya"

pesan dari saya, Bapak dan Ibuk kalian juga membutuhkan kasih sayang. Sayangilah mereka selagi kalian mampu memberikan rasa sayang itu :)

 Mengantarkan saya kembali pulang

Kami memiliki anggota keluarga baru :)

Ya.. Anggota keluarga baru kami adalah istri dari mas ku... 

Semoga menjadi keluarga yang sakinah, mawadah dan warahmah... :)

apa

Apa arti diriku bagi hidupmu...?

Where

Leaving behind the memories, we will forget the past

We will forget each other

Holding on to your love

How will I be able to endure my grief?

Everyday, sweetest toughs come

Falling in love was like dying, but there's no regret to know you..

Whenever I'm missing you, if  i can't take it anymore

I beg your pardon.. 

Just this once, I'll cry as if nobody was around

Don't forget me...

Please, don't forget me..

I am by your side...

I love you...

Even though you can't be by my side, this is not a goodbye

Because the path you choose will make us meet again

Whenever I am missing you, if  i can't take it anymore...

 

I love you....

Andai Kau Ijinkan

Andai kau ijinkan
Walau sekejap memandang
Kubuktikan padamu
Aku memiliki rasa

 

Cinta yang ku pendam
Tak sempat aku nyatakan
Karena kau telah memilih
Menutup pintu hatimu

Ijinkan aku membuktikan
Inilah kesungguhan rasa
Ijinkan aku menyayangimu

Sayangku ooh
Dengarkanlah isi hatiku
Cintaku ooh
Dengarkanlah isi hatiku

Bila cinta tak menyatukan kita
Bila kita tak mungkin bersama
Ijinkan aku tetap menyayangimu

Aku sayang padamu
Ijinkan aku membuktikan 

Do you remember? When you fall in love for the first time? 

It must have seemed very lovely one.

 Looking around my inbox on symbian one. 

Then for 8 months ago, his name blew up there. 

Since we replaced with the new one (symbhian to smartphone), there's no text that i could read -> move to folder, from him. 

I miss those moments. 

Yah, as we know, bbm could delete automatically. 

But text, if we don't want, it won't then :)

So, humans, if you the newbie one and wanna replace your phone), think twice. 

Smartphone seems so useful, but sometimes they have limitations that can not be replaced by others.   

"When it all disappeared, close your eyes. You won't see anything. 

But the only thing that you can see is...memories"

-Arum Dalu

Gonna post a video here, but Blogger didn't support Youtube anymore, so i just can post the lyric. 

 

The last one

The last one....

I could not write any words again

If we have an expectation that is too high 

Sometimes it can be very painful if it does not happen even not as expected

I only can represent the feeling as a different feeling that beings in general

 This is life

Life without the strategy was flat

But living with the strategy is stiff

 Find your love... 

Wherever he/she is

Keep your love

Just like the air that you breathe daily. 

Love is simple

 Without any caste 

Sometimes humans was too stiff and selfish in choosing their love 

Could you see those Dan-board-dolls?

Think of it :)

A Process

 A process....

Then, this is my process. yah, a process. I call it as a process. Process to become a simple-mind. I started to walk, to forget. Towards an adulthood. Though I do not call myself as a wise woman or even an adult. Sometimes when you're not being you, you want to ask, does the world still know you? I'm in the process of forgetting. The word "too" it could make things become messy. When I start to walking later, I call it as forgotten. Your smile determines how you see and think about the world around you. It's good to have a beautiful mind but an even Greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart. You know why it's hard to be happy? It's Because We refuse to let go of the Things That make us sad. Sometimes you forget, how to make yourself happy? While you've been trying to give attention, but only feel one-sided opened. I'm in the process of being simple. Simple as possible. I will try. 

I cannot describe how much I miss you. For two years ago.. You saw my heart, and you helped me see it, too.  Thank you for the prayers.  Thank you for your patience when I was stubborn and hardheaded.  Thank you for encouraging me to be a better woman.  I'm not sure you realize the impact you've had on my life, but I just want to say thank you.  God knew I needed you.  I hope I can be the kind of friend, a love or a work-partner that you are to me. Thank you...

E.T

They say be afraid
you're not like the others, futuristic lovers
different DNA, they dont understand u

You're from a whole other/another world
a different dimention
you open my eyes
and im ready to go, lead me into the light

 

Hi! Hello April! Take a long time to wait for your arrival huh? I found an incredible work of God, yaah .. again. His name is Tyler Ward. Maybe I'm late in posting or to find out his work , but remember, I just really find it. Enjoy his voice on the covered of some song.

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart

 Look at the lyrics.  

This is only one message of the many messages when we decide to commit. 
Just how we are reminded. Just how we are called into question. Just how we trust each other. Just how we look after each other for our hearts.

 
She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time
I've git a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know we got into this mess it's a gods test
Someone help us cause we're doing our best

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

She's in line at the door with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight
But we both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears

Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

Then, Who else you're going to go with? What special moment you want to repeat? Will you hold my hand and fly with me? I've always dreamed about taking back the time yet I never really sure where I want to be. Sometimes we have to flash back, checking around the time when we meet each other.

Surat yang Tak Pernah Tersampaikan

"Kali ini kusadari
Aku telah jatuh cinta
Dari hati terdalam
Sungguh aku cinta padamu"

Sejuta makna dari lirik ini. Seperti halnya ungkapan yang tak pernah terucapkan tetap dinantikan untuk didengarkan. Seperti ketika 4 bulan menunggu, tanpa ada jawaban. Seperti ketika menaruh rasa pada sisi lain menjadi halangan. 4 bulan masa dimana semuanya berpikir negatif terhadapku, yang dihadapanmu hanya biasa-biasa saja. Dan sekalinya marah menguasai, keluarlah kata 4 bulan menunggu. Pernah kah sekalinya aku di dengar? Pengorbanan untuk rasa.

Tak ada kata yang bisa terucap ketika berhadapan dengannya. Karena terlalu banyak kata yang ingin tersampaikan. Terungkap seperti kata di setiap bait lagu ini. 

Terima kasih untuk cinta itu

Terima kasih untuk pundak itu. Yang sedianya meminjamkannya hingga aku tertidur pulas diperjalanan kembali pulang

Terima kasih untuk usaha itu, yang membuatku melupakan sejenak peluh dunia ketika semua bertanya

Terima kasih untuk semua perlakuan itu, hingga meyakinkan ku berdiri di kota itu

Terima kasih untuk rasa yang tak pernah ada habisnya itu

Terima kasih untuk rindu itu

Dan terima kasih untuk rasa itu

Colors of the wind

I lost my direction for a while. then I was just to distracted by this song. This song originally sang by Vanessa Williams from Pocahontas. Pay attention at the lyrics! It shows you not to be arrogant, to care with your surroundings and most importantly to show you how precious the earth is, love it don't cut it down. I'm not overreacting here, but this song really clicks something in me. 

How high does a sycamore grow?
If you cut it down then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper skinned
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain
We need to paint with all the colours of the wind

You can paint with all the colours of the wind

Friends

Today, I am very grateful for what God has given to me. A warm family, my future husband who loves me, and friends are always there for me.  

If known, sometime I go through this is the heaviest day of my life. "Sadness and happy" always there for me, it can be said as a complementary.

When quiet, as usual. Today I felt something different. I got many hugs today. Too many sad and smile today. Thank you, thank you all.

I wonder if they would care?

I feel like an idiot

I'm getting all down on myself and I decide to read my Holy Book

And then He decides to smack me in the face

I'm not in jail

I'm not being stoned

I'm not being rejected

I'm just an idiot

As a stupidity

Stupid me

I hate something about myself

I hate it, and It really makes me feel terrible

I never have

I've never been put in a situation that I had to get out of

I never have had to say no

I've never had the opportunity to say yes

All I could say

Even if for leave away

Even it’s for a while

Thank you for listening me threw away

My March, literally everything..

Hmm, i don't really know how to start this thingy. It is just like you stand in the HUGE stone, then  gonna yell out about something because remember for something, and it called as FATE.

One thing reminds me a lot.  My math teacher said, "vectors have both direction & magnitude" while reviewing something. All I could see was just another fate.

While struggling with thousand of new perspective, i was expecting about .... life. And why we have to chin up even we fall for a hundreds time???
Before you try to pretend, you should realize for some reasons like this:

1. We can't change the way we've acted in the past, that shouldn't have an affect on the way we act now 
2. What done is done. Dwelling on the past is not going to change things any more than looking at a clock will make it move faster.
3. It is a prayer that humbles you,teaches you, &causes your love for God & your spouse/potential spouse to override your own selfish desires
4. It's all about knowing and believing. For last. It's taking back the way... "Belong to someone"... for back to the God. and it called as Love. 

We are able to

The story line will always be changed every day, yah.. as you see
We are planning and determine
Not God who will decide, but God who will set.
Sometimes that I feel like a jerk person, but is it a worthy thing to called myself?
Not be the same, the journey today and in the future
Not as easy, but I'm sure, We are able to
Age will not determine one's level of maturity
Once again, no..